WRITING
I’ve written down words to describe what anxiety feels like, to me. Ya’ll I’ve felt it before and wasn’t able to recognize it. It would then pour out in other ways – both healthy and unhealthy. I’m feeling it again and am grateful to be free minded enough to write it out! I’ve written in journals as a teen and young adult – I wish I knew where they were – and I have written stuff here and there. I have found random writings from the past when “decluttering” my home and am just like “Wow! Was that me?”
CAUSE
I ask “why?” now when I get that feeling. This time, I feel like the cause of it is because I have things to do and places to go in the immediate future. I told someone at the beginning of February that my month was filling up. What I didn’t know is that it would include a funeral. I believe that is why I am feeling particularly anxious. Arizona is a long way away and we’ve got things to do before we can travel and be with family. I’m tired of -not being there-.
SENSES
Until then, I’ve chosen to write it out. Depression, anxiety, or any other unexplainable emotions or feelings may never go away. Lots of times its episodic; due to something specific and it is good if you can identify it. Other times, it’s almost like a premonition kind of feeling; not that I can see the future, but that I strongly feel a sixth sense. Like the time I was in the dentist office getting my teeth cleaned when -that feeling- hit me. Within the same time period, my father-in-law had passed away.
NAPPING
If you are feeling anxious or simply just want to understand what it is like for someone who has those experiences, take a read at my description “What if I Just Took a Nap?”
WHAT IF I JUST TOOK A NAP?
Would the feeling go away?
If I lay still and close my eyes.
Does that compromise
the flow of blood through my mind?
Consciously, I search for the cause
of the physical wave that stays.
I want to ride it out,
feel the wind as I find my way.
I contract my muscles to hold it in one place,
but then they will see the anxiety in my face.
I don’t want to speak and don’t want to tell,
Don’t want them to see the organs battling inside.
Oh, there goes my pride, oh, where will I hide?
What if I just took a nap?
Would the feeling go away?
I realize anxiety is different for everyone. This is one description of how it feels to me. Take a nap if you need to, but please, please rise back up. Someone loves you.
Take Good Care.