Another exciting step towards becoming a published author has arrived in my email! (I am doing backflips in my mind). Multimedia Publishing Project (www.multimediapublishingproject.com) has created a design cover for my manuscript, “Dung Bag Road – A Personal Account of Depression and Recovery.”
“Dung?” you question? I would, too. Not a pleasant or inviting title to an unknown writer striving to publish her first book. Wait, don’t go anywhere just yet please. Allow me to elaborate in 3 distinct steps: 1) Dung, 2) Bag, and 3) Road.
The Starting Point
But first, let me tell you that when I began the writing process, I asked myself, “How did I get to that place?” That place. ‘That place’ refers to an episode of clinically diagnosed major depressive disorder. Perhaps I suffered from depression from a young age into adulthood but didn’t know it, covered it up with alcohol and undesirable behaviors, or if it was brought to my attention by loving friends and family, I forcefully rejected that idea. No, not me.
The writing started by looking at drawings that I made during therapy. I thought “there are a lot of shitty things that I let happened to me,” “I can’t believe I carried that shit with me all those years,” and “what a long road that was.”
The Poop Scoop
So, I will begin with the shit.
- Dung. Koine-greek.com references the term “dung.” Something about “The word here translated ‘dung’ was often used in Greek as a vulgar term for fecal matter. As such it would most likely have had a certain shock value for the readers.” It may also refer to the English obscenity shit. I’ll leave the precise etymology to the scholars. If you want a biblical reference, you can go to Phil 3:8. My intended use for the word Dung was to be a nicer replacement for the word Shit. Period.
- Bag. Some people have a bag of tricks, I had a bag of experiences that I did not want anyone to discover. I felt I had to tuck them away somewhere where no one can find them. If found, they would know; and if they knew, they would judge me less worthy than I already convicted myself to be. I hid behind shame and guilt and pain. Clever me thought I was upping my magnanimous personality. Psst… I had to look that word up when over 25 years ago Aunt Teri told me that is what I had. Merriam-webster defines “magnanimous” as 1. showing or suggesting a lofty and courageous spirit, and 2. showing or suggesting nobility of feeling and generosity of mind. So, this bag of mine was used to carry the dung, or the shitty experiences.
- Road. I was 43 when I “broke down.” That’s a long road to be dealing with unhealed trauma. Trauma to me may not be traumatic to you. We all deal with adverse experiences in different ways. Often based on our emotional intelligence. Wikipedia.org describes emotional intelligence as “the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions…” Please, take a moment to read the full description. I was ignorant of this term and of its benefits to improve my neurological states. I only wish the stars would have aligned sooner for me to participate in cognitive behavioral therapy. The dung bag road I took to get to a better emotional place would not have been so long.
Hence, I turned my experiences into a book to share with the world. Oh snap! If I print it, will they read it? That’s the chance I have chosen to take. It is also the hope I intend to create for others. Scarry as it may be, facing my shit and processing it in a safe and healthy manner has made my life since, much lighter and more aware. It has made me an even stronger individual. I love that I continue to learn about me. It makes me a better person for this world.
Subtitle
The subtitle “A Personal Account of Depression and Recovery” describes what the book is about. I didn’t write it because I was the first person to experience depression, nor was I the first person to recover from it. Well, I recovered from that episode. Its contents may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I go into personal accounts of what was collecting in my dung bag – from my perspective. My perspective is what I carried with me, what was my responsibility to tend to and change if, and when it was necessary. Some of my traumas required a change in perspective to release me from its grips and allow the emotional intelligence to grow. That is how I rose from the depths of my despair to hope. That is when I truly began to love myself, and thereby, see and receive love from others.
I am hopeful that “Dung Bag Road – A Personal Account of Depression and Recovery“ will resonate with folks who either suffer or suffered from depression or know of someone who experiences depression. Please understand that one can’t just stop being depressed because it is suggested. It takes hard work, and for some it may take more time than others. It may never go away, but I sure hope one acquires tools to process, handle, and put to bed issues that may bring you down, especially when they ‘pop’ up post recovery (triggers).
I’ve experienced moments of depression since my initial recovery, I just handle it differently now. Most of all, I continue the work by learning as I go. Even if all I do in a day is 1. Get up, 2. Get dressed, and 3. Open the blinds to let the sun in. (Oh, and brush my teeth; I gotta brush my teeth no matter what.)
The Cover
The cover shows a road travelled and a woman since recovered. All the vibrant, peaceful colors represent the different emotions where that woman is now.
Gratitude
Thank you for taking the time to read this explanation. I will keep you updated as I get closer and closer to a publishing date.
Take Good Care.