Get Thee a Back Bone
As I begin to write this blog entry, the time is exactly a week ago when I discovered that my lower back muscles would make a decision to go on strike. Some background: about 20 years ago my back went out during softball season for Mid-South Towing Company, my employer at the time. I was down for the count and was diagnosed with spondylolisthesis (A spinal disorder; causes pain in lower back or legs.). Although, I remember it generally being about bone degeneration disease. Perhaps it’s all the same.
Two weeks later, the Hubs and I were in St. Louis with the MST team in a softball tournament. I played first base and had a runner after hitting and making it to first base – just so I could play. We were short people. Not short as in small in size but we did not have enough females to play in the coed tournament; hence, I was out there playing while also recovering from a lower back pain episode that caused me to miss 3 days work. (another story lies in there about short-term disability benefits…) This was 20 years ago.
In the Meantime
I recovered and paid more attention to my back. Bend at the knees, reduce belly fat (didn’t happen), build strong muscles to support skeletal system (slightly and temporarily happened). Not too long after this lower back episode, I received more news that would undoubtedly and in time put a little bitty more pressure on my lower back. I was pregnant with my 3rd child. A welcoming bit of news! I must have healed well from that back episode because the pregnancy was not problematic, and I hadn’t had a recurrence since. Her birth helped me remember the timeline because this was BG (Before Graciela).
The Hubs and I didn’t play much softball after adding to our family. We had a trio of girls and family was our priority. But we managed to stay somewhat healthy, physically. My weight and physical fitness ebbed and flowed, was a priority and then set aside many a times. I have to admit that over the past 20 years I have collected about a pound a year. 135 lbs -> 155-160 lbs.
20 Years Later
So, on July 3, 2022, my back went out again. Oh, how the familiar pain reminds us of what we should have been doing all along to prevent this from happening again. My hand is raised because it is I who is responsible for allowing this to happen. It is difficult for me to sit and do nothing.
While I go, go, go, I do take breaks to catch my breath but then I go at it again. If I am not cooking, cleaning, playing, I am sitting at my computer writing, reviewing, or editing. Even when I sit and watch a TV show or a movie, I must be doing something at the same time (exception is when I actually go to the movie theater).
When I say cooking, it means that I am standing there as the Sioux chef, the chef, the server, the dicer (gotta cut up the BroMan’s food), the busboy (lady), and dishwasher. Although, I have harped on the family to help with the dishes; it only makes sense.
When I say cleaning, it means that I see what needs to be done and am usually the one who does it. In all fairness, the Hubs works 40+ hours at a job-job, and I work at and from home at my theoretical housewife job-job. We each do our part during different seasons and when his season is less, I ask him to help me more. He is willing, but let me tell you, I do have to ask.
When I say playing, it means that I am participating in any kind of recreational and fun things with the family or for myself. I like to walk, and swim, and I like track & field (whether it’s coaching or working on my individual skills).
When I say writing, it means that I have to sacrifice sleep by getting up extra early in the morning or stay up later at night. It’s the only time I can think uninterrupted within a quiet environment. I need this space to allow creativity to flow or emotions to set. It also means that I am sitting; not always in proper alignment. The Hubs is observant and points this out to me at times.
This Past Week
Since Sunday morning, I have had time to sit and think. I always want to know why and how to understand things. I didn’t see this one coming. But we did just have the grandkids (5 year old, very active, beautiful twin girls) for a 2-week visit and we were busy every single day. I love them girls and wanted to make up the time we hadn’t seen them by doing all that we could in a short amount of time. We did. But I also had to continue with all the above-mentioned tasks: cooking, cleaning, playing, writing (actually finalizing the review of my book, Dung Bag Road, A Personal Account of Depression and Recovery). In addition, the BroMan still needed attention and care.
Here’s an example: after a swim day, it was shower time. I put the twin girls in the bathtub for a little fun time and then cleaning two sets of arms, legs, neck, … Then shampoo on one head, then the other. Rinse one head, and then the other. Place conditioner on one head, then the other. Rinse one head, then the other. Conditioner was a must, because then, it was brush one head and put a braid in it, then do the same for the other. The great news is that these girls are old enough to put on their pajamas by themselves; after I made sure to dry each of them with a towel. (INSERT appreciation and wow for their parents, Drew and Victoria. They get no breaks)
Oh, that’s not it tho… I then proceed to jump into the shower and take care of me, myself, and I. Going through the same motions; except I add shaving the legs to my routine. You would think I would be done by now. But no. It’s on to taking care of the BroMan. It’s his turn to get a shower; or be showered. He has a step added to his shower routine, but I’ll save you from that detail. With some assistance, into the shower he goes. Rinse, soap, shampoo, and so on. Then, with some assistance, out of the shower and dry him off. The great news is that he is ‘able’ to dress himself and put on his pajamas by himself.
Now for the Hubs. Hahahahaha. Nope! Not today. He is on his own, thank goodness. Should there ever come a day, I would take care of him as well. Me loves him.
That is just one example of the events leading up to my back situation. Oh, I forgot, just days before I vacuumed and vac-mopped the entire house (because, cleaning). And these folks that I mentioned also wore clothes that needed to be washed. Yes, the Hubs must do his own laundry.
Giving Myself Over
I had no choice. My body spoke up and said – STOP! This reminds me of a book I am currently listening to on Audible.com: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Apparently, my body has kept score for the past 20 years and finally said ‘game over’ lady. So, I have had to give myself over to the Hubs for the past week. He has worked his job and stepped into mine as well. I was helpless and he rose to the challenge. He took care of the details that typically fall under my theoretical housewife tasks. For this, I am so grateful and lucky. Since I was a captive audience, we also had some very deep conversations that were enlightening and heartwarming.
He had some help. One evening, my sister made a complete enchilada, beans, and rice meal for us. We ate on that for 2-1/2 days! We also had some leftovers from the kids visit so we finished that up. More help came in the form of a doctor’s appointment. Good ole doctor Oliver to the rescue. To begin the appointment I say, “remember about 20 years ago when…” After discussion and advice, he prescribed a steroid and muscle relaxers. I felt improvement the afternoon after taking the first heavy does of the steroid. I only took the muscle relaxer at night due to fear of becoming constipated. But they are there if needed. Thank goodness I have experienced improvement since Wednesday.
It wasn’t until Friday that I even begun to jump back into my cleaning, cooking, playing, writing… routine. But with a different view that has eyes on my back. I’m still not fully recovered, but know that I will be ‘back’ at it again soon. I just need to remember where I was ‘a week ago’ so that I don’t find myself back on my back again.
Take good care.