As I scroll briefly here and there on Facebook, I see many neat posts. If the post is not neat to me, I do my best to scroll my roll. A post struck me today that triggered thoughts about being a grandparent. It’s most interesting to see the folks I’ve known prior to them becoming a grandparent “adoring their grandchildren.” Is it because now the Hubs and I have been grandparents for the past 5 years that I notice this?
I say to myself, wow, they too are on top of the world with their grandchildren. It made me think about the references I have had as a granddaughter. My faithful, rosary praying, old Nana (great grandma), my spirit-filled, straight forward starting out in English then ending in Spanish talking Nana (grandmother), my cousin’s grandparents whom we adored and called Grandma and Grandpa (thank you for sharing them primas) – were all influential in their own ways. None to account for on my biological father’s side of the family.
When I finally added 3 girls to the grandkid mix, I lived far away from my hometown and family. I did, however, for the first time get to see grandparenting from the dad’s side of my children’s family. That would be their Meme and Papa, and Nena and Pawpa.
Perspective
Always perspective. As a young mother I was grateful for the help my XMIL (we’ve decided on simply MIL) gave when she wasn’t working. Her only day off from Dr. Oliver’s office was Wednesday. She happily kept the V girls Tuesday night to spend Wednesday with them. When they started school, she would get them up and ready and take them to school. A treasure for a working mom to get a morning off. At the time, I appreciated paying one less day (times 2) of daycare fees, but I can see now it was much more than that – now that I am a grandmother (times 2).
My youngest only got 3-4 years with her Nena, but it was long enough to be certain that Nena adored G. She would call her “little dickens” and would light up when we stopped by. Pawpa kept to himself mostly but would stop by the house frequently only to decline an invitation to dinner. (My cooking has improved over the years.) His last couple years, we would be the ones to stop by and visit him. I did not realize the enormous loss a grandchild could feel when losing a grandparent. G was strongly affected by the loss of her Pawpa. My V girls are also close with their Meme and Papa; they have been such a constant. The living distance got in the way of my closeness with my Nana; although I drove 2 days with two little kids to make it to her funeral. She was that important.
With the once or twice a year visits back to my hometown to visit family, including my mom (their Nana), they have had interrupted encounters on my side of the family. Although the distance does not diminish familial love or the fact that they have a Nana on their mom’s side.
Capacity
I think about my kids not growing up near my side of the family. Near my mom, their Nana. Up until nearly 4 years ago, my mom was still caring for my brother. Her capacity was limited by her other responsibilities. She also worked full-time until her retirement about 15 years ago. As I sit here in the quiet, I miss my granddaughters, heck, I miss my daughters as well. They live far away. My capacity to be present in their lives and in the lives of my granddaughters is impacted. By distance only, not love.
If I consider other circumstances that affect the capacity to be present, to give of oneself, or the many other responsibilities that limit our capacity to be and do what we wish to be and do, I must not be so hard on myself as a grandparent. As a person.
Grandparenting
Returning back to my early morning Facebook observation, I was awed and empathetic to seeing Anna’s post about her grandson Gunner’s 2nd birthday. My reflection included her daughter Kaley, who went to elementary school with my daughter – and they’re having kids. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful kids.
Is this really happening? Am I one of them now? A grandparent. It’s a stage in life that I use to look up to, as in there was my mom, then there was my Nana. I was on the bottom rung then. Now my granddaughters are looking up at their mom and dad, and their grandparents, and so on. I am grateful for my mom, Meme and Pawpa, Memaw and Papa, and Mamaw and Papa. All the love surrounding these two young girls (yes, I’ll have to wait a while longer for more grandchildren), the history, the wisdom.
I adore seeing Facebook feeds about grandchildren. It triggered me, but it felt for the first time in a while that the trigger was a positive one. And I just had to document from my perspective and from the capacity at which I, myself, am able to be a grandparent.
Take Good Care,